Defined by your actions?

Rheumatoid Arthritis, whether we like it or not, does define you. I say this not to take the wind out of hopeful sails. But simply to breathe some realistic air into the mix.
RA defines all of us who suffer from it... it even defines much of the lives of those closest to us. My husband is absolutely finely tuned, and dialed in to the inner workings of his wife's disease. He's even more aware of day to day happenings than I am at times. I have to give him credit, sometimes I don't think he's paying attention, and then Bam!, he drops some comment about my behavior, or actions, and I'm like, "Dude, you are paying attention"  And then what do I go and do? Try and hide the worst part of it, or the small things he might notice again...secrets, they are the worst, but in a way, you become ashamed of what has happened to you, is happening to you, is preventing you from doing, or is making you become.  I know, I have NO control over why it happened, or continues to happen in a creeping forward motion, and I cant explain how I feel...but there it is.  Unless you have walked or tried to run a few miles in my shoes..you just can't get it. Period.


To deny that we are not defined by this disease perpetuates the mystery of this disease. It makes us continue to act tougher than we need to be. A characteristic of many people, myself included, who suffer from any chronic pain affliction is we are overachievers, multi-multi-taskers, givers galore...and we are stubborn go getter's who not only can do and do and more, but don't have time to get sick.
BUT we did. So why put on that face, that mask, that hides this "invisible disease" as they call it-by saying we are NOT defined by it?

Good question.  Got any idea?